Prefer to read than listen? We’ve summarised the podcast below.
Menopause can transform how we experience sex – physically, emotionally and relationally. But just because things change, doesn’t mean they have to stop.
What’s happening?
As oestrogen and testosterone levels drop during perimenopause and menopause, your sex drive can take a hit. Dr Davis explains that:
- Oestrogen supports that “feminine, sensual” feeling
- Testosterone fuels desire and “get up and go”
The decline of both can impact not just your body, but your confidence, mood, energy and sexual thoughts. Some women describe it as a “light switch” turning off – and that loss can feel profound. But it’s not the end of the story.
Sex in midlife might look different – but it’s still yours to define.
Sex isn’t one-size-fits-all
Whether sex has always been central to your identity, or it’s less of a priority, every experience is valid. What matters is what’s right for you. Dr Davis encourages women to reflect on their needs and reimagine intimacy on their terms. Sometimes, that means redefining what intimacy looks like. And sometimes, it means getting support to feel sexual again.
Loss of libido can cause relationship strain, especially when one partner’s needs change. Dr Davis is clear: talk about it. Find out what intimacy means to both of you. And remember – sex is just one part of connection.
Get help
Hormonal changes can cause:
- Vaginal dryness
- Pain during sex
- Loss of desire
- Irritation or low mood
- Bladder issues.
Dr Davis recommends:
- HRT, if appropriate, for your menopausal symptoms
- Vaginal oestrogen, which can help you regain comfort and function locally
- Lube (her top three words: “Lube, lube, lube”) – ideally oil-based, paraben-free, or even coconut oil. But don’t use oil-based lubricants with condoms or diaphragms and always choose products without added perfumes or parabens to avoid irritation.
Treat your vulva like your favourite jumper – gently. Skip the harsh soaps and douches. Wash with warm water, pat dry, and use an unscented emollient if you’re feeling dry or uncomfortable.
Vaginal tissue gets thinner and more sensitive in menopause – but vaginal oestrogen can help.
Dipping oestrogen levels in menopause can affect your bladder. And if you’re experiencing pelvic floor issues, pelvic floor exercises can help with leaks or urgency.
Be safe
Believe it or not, but you can still get pregnant, plus STIs are on the rise among midlife women. Dr Davis advises you use contraception until at least age 56 unless advised otherwise – and seek treatment if condoms feel uncomfortable.
Sex in midlife might look different but you don’t have to lose this part of yourself. And you’re not being a bother by asking for help.
Join the conversation in the Rockmy Menopause Facebook group – you’re not alone.
