Here are some top tips to help you help yourself.
Make it manageable
I know it’s not that straightforward to reduce your mental load, and for some it can be easier than others.
For example, if you’re a single mother on a limited income, unfortunately it’s going to be harder for you to make significant changes. If you layer on other challenges such as being from an ethnic minority, reduced literacy and being from a lower socioeconomic group, it can become harder still to reduce the load. This is part of a much larger conversation and deserves its own attention.
However, for most women, there are general pressures to consider:
- Workload in the home and/or professional environment
- The invisible mental load (logistical and strategic thinking and planning for self, partners, work colleagues, dependants)
- Caring responsibilities for younger and/or older generations
Take time to review these and ask yourself, what are the priorities? What can be removed? What can be shared? What can be outsourced?
Educate your family, friends, work colleagues, managers and anyone who can provide support and understanding about the mental load women are carrying and the impact it has on health and productivity.
This article on The mental load women carry is a helpful explainer.
If you can, build a village of people to support you, and do life with.
If you’re really struggling, and you have the means to do so, it might be helpful to have these conversations with a therapist or life coach.
Leave room for the unexpected
Honestly reflect on how much you can manage without being over-stretched.
- Identify low hanging fruit that take precious mental capacity with low return such as phone notifications which can be quietened so that your interactions are on your terms. You can also set up ‘Focus’ or ‘Do not disturb’ modes to take back control.
- Create clear boundaries with work/life balance, immediate and extended family relationships and other obligations.
- Learn healthy habits to recharge such as meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, colouring/painting, etc – find your joy.
Try to live at 80% of your capacity to leave space for unexpected significant challenges such as an infertility journey, a health issue, bereavement, divorce or separation that can heighten an already heavy mental load.
Not only is this important for your mental health, it’s also important for your physical health. Remember, symptoms rarely exist in isolation. The biology of hormonal changes from puberty to menopause can be affected by the weight of the mental load you are already carrying. It is a bio-psycho-social dynamic. Your mental load could literally be making your health worse.
Up your physical activity
Studies have shown that 30 to 45 mins of exercise three times a week gets your heart pumping and prevents heart disease. Keep in mind that heart disease is the leading cause of death worldwide, so this really is a boon for your current and future physical and mental wellbeing. It also brings mental clarity, reduces any negative effects of hormonal variations on your mind and body, boosts your mood and can help you achieve a healthy weight.
Strength building exercises also play an important part in calming down the mind and reducing stress as well as being important for muscle, joint and bone health. Flexibility exercises such as Pilates, Yoga and TaiChi can also help.
But remember, all movement counts. Many modern women are time poor, so if all you can do is try to sit less and walk more, that’s a great start.
Alternatively, build it into your lifestyle. Incorporate physical activity into social events with friends and family or as specially scheduled and prioritised ‘me time’.
Self care
This is important for stress management and can help to improve the impact of your mental load. Prioritise time for doing what you enjoy and protect it. I advocate a block of three to four hours a week for this.
It is time that should be free of work or caring responsibilities and can be for anything such as personal grooming, hobbies, spa time, nature walks, brunch with friends, attending the theatre, group sports, singing in a choir, watching a movie/TV series etc.
For time-poor women, this is often left on the backburner, but it is so important. If you’re a single parent, utilise family and friend networks to achieve this, playdates, neighbours, school clubs – grab that time when you can – and don’t spend it on your mental load, spend it on you.
“Women are generally incredible capable and resilient but so many are currently one step away from burnout because of the inordinate mental load they carry.”
Prioritise you
We have our whole lives to achieve all our goals, and we should plan with a knowledge of the pros and cons of the decisions that we make, rather than plunge in and then try to live life backwards.
Start by having a better understanding of the physical and mental health risks to women of all ages who are carrying an inordinate mental load for society. Many of us are near breaking point and have to make impossible decisions on life choices because we are not having honest conversations about our roles in modern society.
There is no-one-size-fits-all approach but being aware, talking openly and trying to make changes for your own wellbeing is a good starting point.
