The transition to motherhood is one of the biggest hormonal, emotional, physical and mental shifts a person can go through. It includes a complete rewiring of your brain, the biggest drop in hormones that you will ever experience in your lifetime (bigger than adolescence and menopause), and place on top of that a bunch of societal expectations, social media perfectionism and navigating this new role in life, often solo, for the most part.
More recently, a term for this shift has been coined. Matrescence enters the chat. Understanding matrescence can help normalise some of the emotions and adjustments that come with motherhood, offering reassurance that these feelings are part of a natural developmental phase and in fact, everyone goes through this shift and has relatable thoughts and feelings.
“We love the book ‘Matresence – the metamorphosis of pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood,’ by Lucy Jones.
Matrescence vs anxiety vs postpartum depression
It’s hard to know whether at you’re feeling is a normal part of matrescence or something that’s escalated.
Let’s get real, postpartum anxiety is a mental health condition that can affect up to one in five women. It involves persistent, excessive worry about the baby’s health, safety and wellbeing, alongside symptoms like restlessness, fatigue, irritability and difficulty sleeping, more-so than having a newborn. It is distinct from postpartum depression but can be confused with it as there are overlapping symptoms.
The causes? It’s not completely understood but is likely a mix of hormonal changes, a personal or family history of anxiety or depression, sleep deprivation, stressful events (previous miscarriages or illnesses) and lack of social support.
But how do you know if what you’re experiencing is postpartum anxiety or simply the strain of lacking a supportive community, often called ‘your village’?
What is a village?
You might hear it a lot as a new mother but ‘your village’ is essentially a network of support systems that can help you navigate the challenges of new parenthood. Child-rearing was once a communal effort of extended families, friends, neighbours and communities that shared responsibilities and offered support to new mothers through acts of service like bringing meals, watching the baby while the mother rested and cleaning the house.
Today, new mums can feel isolated, often living far from family and lacking this close-by support which can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. The statutory paternity package of two weeks doesn’t come close to covering the time it takes someone to recover from childbirth and later down the line, the rising costs of childcare means it might not be possible to ‘outsource’ your village.
Recognising the difference
Recognising and understanding your experiences is important – identifying what you’re feeling is the first stage of getting support.
Postpartum anxiety involves intense, persistent worry and physical symptoms that interfere with daily functioning and bonding with your baby.
Lacking your village refers to feeling isolated, unsupported and overwhelmed due to the absence of a community or help, which can contribute to, or worsen, anxiety but may improve with increased social support.
Seeking help
If you’re worried that you are experiencing postpartum anxiety or depression, reach out to your healthcare provider, midwife or local children’s centre, or visit the charity pages linked below which host lots of resources and links to support groups.
And, although it feels difficult, there are ways to build your village, and it’s never too late.
- If you have them, asking family, friends or neighbours for help with baby care – even short breaks can make a huge difference. This doesn’t have to mean them taking full charge of your baby without you, especially if you’re anxious – but it could just be cuddles while you rest or shower, a walking nap together – small social interactions and the shared load can really help.
- Be honest with how meeting your needs can help you the most. Do you need a meal cooked, washing put away, groceries ordered, or hoovering done? Ask – it’s unlikely someone will say no.
- Join new mothers’ groups to reduce isolation and share experiences with like-minded mums. You’ll be surprised by how much common ground you can find.
- Start seeking your village before birth – yes, this may be too late for you but use what you’ve learnt for those following you. We know unsolicited advice is everywhere when you’re pregnant, but that guidance from mums who have lived it and want the best for your wellbeing go a long way. Pay it forward and, if you’re planning to have another child – build that village now so it’s established for next time round.
Postpartum anxiety is a treatable condition that requires attention and care. However, sometimes what feels like anxiety is intensified by the absence of a supportive village. Recognising the difference and seeking help from both professionals as you need it and from your loved ones can make a significant difference in how you navigate your postpartum experience. Don’t be afraid to ask, you’re not on your own.
Don’t let overwhelm and postpartum anxiety get you down. Remember, motherhood was never meant to be a solitary journey.
